Retreating Not Deserting, Episode 1

Click here to see what I’m going to be doing in February: Retreat Flyer 2014 (You’ll remember this post here, that inspired my proposal when the organizer wrote looking for a speaker.  We’re doing that, but not for catechesis.  Sort of a pre-Lent warm-up.)

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So I googled Our Lady Star of the Sea, and confessions start at 3:30.  So I’m thinking at 3:15 I should just send all the ladies to go get in line?  Yes?

Meanwhile, the e-mail with a copy of the flyer reminded me that I’d better quick turn my notes into something presentable. And I need to know: How do I get the text for the divine office for that day . . . before the day?  Long before the day?  Because I’m not sure folks are going to have their iBreviaries along, which is my method. Printed matter might be wanted.  Printed matter requires lead time.

Also: If we’re going to be praying midday prayer (ha! I think we might be!), what’s the protocol in these situations concerning the invitatory?  I think it’s a safe assumption that for most present, it will be their first hour of the day.  But we’re working with the theory that at least some in the room will have already said morning prayer before they arrive.  Do we arm wrestle?  How does this work?

And hey – Anyone got an especially nice one-page, largish print, “I haven’t been to confession in 23 years, what do I do??” examination of conscience and how-to tutorial?  Public domain / Creative Commons, yes?  Yes?  It’s going in the packet. Your name in lights if you produce the goods.

7 Takes: Shakespeare Makes Me Sick, Rant-o-Rama, and Other Beautiful Things

1. So. Shakespeare. 

I started the week all productive.  New quarter.  Got the checklists printed out, vowed, “This time I will stay on track!” all that.  Also, I had to pick Mr. Boy’s next literature choice.  I went through the Kolbe Jr. High Lit Course Plans, and Merchant of Venice kept popping out at me.  I was leary after the Great Poetry Fiasco of 2013, but I heeded the little voice.

And I got a brilliant idea: Since two big kids are always hanging around wanting to talk to use from 9-10, formerly known as “Kids Are In BED AND PARENTS HAVE ADULT TIME”, yes I am shouting by the end of that sentence, I figured out a way to either get the children to go to bed, or live out the homeschool fantasy of everyone sitting around reading Shakespeare together in the evening.  Win either way, right?

So Tuesday night I hand out copies (mismatched, but we rolled with it) of the play, we divied up the parts for Act 1, Scene 1, and it went pretty well.  Some of us were having so much fun, we went ahead and started scene 2.

At which point, Splash.

Yes.  My child vomited over Shakespeare.

Said child reported after, “My stomach felt weird, but I wasn’t sure . . .”. So hard to tell the difference between a stomach virus and Literature Dread.

[Everyone’s better now, thanks for asking.]

When we restart, I’m issuing a bucket with each manuscript.

2. I updated my e-mail software.  I hate it.  That is my excuse for why I can’t find your e-mail anymore.  I will grow and change and find your message and reply to it.  Soon.  But not before late afternoon today.

2.5. Visit our hostess for useful information about this:

I borrowed this photo without asking. Because I never, ever, want to lose the link to this post. If Jen F. makes me take it down, I will. But you know why she’s a superstar blogger? Because: Affordable Wine. Doesn’t get much more Catholic than that.

 

3. Let’s talk about your vocabulary, hmmn?

Good Catholic friends, please tell me you know that you’re not supposed to take the Lord’s name in vain?  So I will charitably assume that if you gasp “Oh my God!” when talking about someone else’s clothing choice, or the water bill this month, or what happened in Congress, that you are in fact moved to prayer.  I think you should cut it out, because everyone *thinks* you’re just taking the Lord’s name in vain, and maybe you even are.  But I’m not going to presume.

What with being Catholics, we tend to cling tightly to our right to use “strong language”.  All those things St. Paul has to say about our word choice are trumped by our Lord’s choice insults, yes?  So we say.  I’ll not take up that fight today.

But if you’re going to resort to coarse, over-used cliches of insults for lack of a broader vocabulary — perhaps your imagination is foiled in the face of tribulation — would you please kindly restrict yourself to accurate metaphors?

For example, some people accuse the Church of thinking sex is dirty or shameful or I don’t know what.  It’s nonsense of course — quite the opposite: If we are very particular about chastity, it’s because sex is so powerfully good, holy even, and should not be profaned in any way.  We only have seven sacraments, and one of them has to do with sex.  Yep.

So, please oh please oh please, speak as if you’ve been catechized.  Do not sling around crude terms for the marital act as your insult of choice — let alone as your darkest and strongest insult.  Do you really think that intercourse is some foul, nasty, evil thing? When you search for some vivid way to describe a sordid injustice, is the first thing that comes to mind your experience with the marital act?

I certainly hope not.  Clean it up.

4.  Come see me talk.  St. Peter’s Catholic Church, Columbia, SC, Saturday Nov. 9th, daytime.  I’m just doing a panel in the afternoon, on the “Classroom Management” topic. In the morning I’ll be listening.  I kinda wish I could listen in the afternoon, too, the other panelists look pretty interesting – I can’t find an internet link, but the overall topic is stuff like bullying, working with special needs students — useful.  Contact the Diocese of Charleston Catechesis Folks to get more info or to RSVP.  There’s a nominal cost that covers lunch -n- stuff.  Gorgeous site, too, do visit the church and cemetery if you come.

5. Speaking of sex . . . I’m hosting a blog tour and giveaway for Simcha’s new book on NFP.  Where should I do it?  Here? Amazing Catechists? Patheos?  I need to pick a spot.

6. Speaking not of sex . . . My friend Karina Fabian has a new book out.  I haven’t read it, but I keep meaning to blurb it.  If you like clean adult sci-fi, Catholic-themed usually, fun and a quick read, take a look. I’ve never not enjoyed reading one of her books, though I don’t do the zombie thing — I had to crop her cover for my presentation on finding a publisher this past summer at CWG, because, gross.  Firmly planted in my Hardy Boys Not Thomas Hardy preferred category.

7. Aren’t these beautiful?  I can’t decide whether they’re in budget or not.  I do need a holy water font for the house.  I’m nervous about the glass.  But wow. Pretty.

At CMOM – Why Your Town Needs a Catholic Homeschooling Cooperative

In which I share one of those stories about things that you know happen, but are kinda hard to believe.  This is not the reason my parish started our little homeschooling group.  We got started because I’m a slacker-mom who needs people to keep me honest, and other people I know are smart, sociable, diligent, and gullible.  But the little excommunication incident the other week affirmed for me that we were providing a desperately needed service.

The article has a pile of links for those who think maybe they’d like to get something started, but aren’t really sure what to do or how to do it.

Enjoy!

Joe Wetterling – Ho Kai Paulos – It’s Up!

Joe Wetterling, who is one of my all-time favorite presenters for the Catholic Writers Guild, has relaunched his catechetical website, Ho Kai Paulos.  Which means something to some of you, and the rest of us can look here for the explanation.  I always have to remind myself it’s not a Hawaiian island or a Korean pork dish.  (But there could eventually be a mixed drink by the name, I’m sure.)

Joe W. makes my favorites list because he’s well-read, and insightful, and hilarious, and as best I can tell a nice guy on top of all that.  He re-opens his site with a 101 on Objective vs. Subjective.  Which reminds me of the other thing I like about the guy: He explains things that matter in plain English. If you need to bring a catechist up to speed, this is the place.

Should the Pope Just Shut Up?

Minor update: Joanne McPortland best represents my thoughts on the fateful interview itself here.  I told her not to tell.  Now the whole Italian intelligentsia’s going to be in on the game. Hah.  But she writes a good article.

***

 

I tend to roll with the working assumption that the Pope is Catholic.

So when I read a pope’s writings, I read them through the lens “these are things a Catholic guy is saying.”

Now you can err with this method, because (a) the Pope could be a horrible person and/or a heretic and (b) even saintly Doctors of the Church sometimes think wrong.  Catholics do not hold that everything a pope says or does is free from error.  Some things, yes, free from error, for certain.  But it’s a mighty short list.

So.

We have a chatty Pope.  And this is driving a portion of faithful Catholicdom nuts, because he’s not Mr. Careful and Precise.  He just says stuff.  Quite a bit of which can be interpreted all the wrong way.  So there’s a call afoot for the Holy Father to quit talking so much, and maybe try some of that ignatian silence for a change.  Quit going off-script.  Quit improvising. Count every word and make every word count.

I disagree, and here are my reasons:

1. You can’t shut up talkative people.  It’s like holding back the tide.  If Pope Francis tried to be formal and scripted, what we’d end up with is 10 casual comments slipped a week instead of 10,000.  10 would be enough to keep the media frenzy going.

2. People who improvise need to talk a lot in order to be properly understood. Late in life I figured out that if I go around sometimes giving a bad impression by saying just the wrong thing here and there at odd moments, it’s possible other people do, too.  Ever call up customer service, get the one guy who’s having a lousy day, and thereby assume The Company Hates You?  Well, maybe they do.  But maybe you got the one guy at his one bad moment.

People who stick to script can say very little and be understood.  They weigh every word, and it all comes out just right.  Goofballs have to talk a lot.  Because it’s only by many conversations, collected up over time, that we get an accurate impression of the improviser.

3. If the Pope’s Catholic, the media is going to be obtuse.  That’s how it is. No amount of careful will cause the secular media to suddenly learn to think clearly and understand what Catholics are really up to.  When someone is willfully ignorant, they’re willfully ignorant.  The best teacher cannot thwart a determined will, dead set against learning the truth.

4. If the Pope’s not Catholic, it would be nice to know.  I haven’t seen anything out of Pope Francis that can’t be squared with orthodoxy.  I’ve seen plenty that could be misinterpreted as not-so-orthodox, especially if you are willfully ignorant per #3.  The most recent interview definitely has some statements that could throw off the the sincere believer, unless you’d spent a lot of time chatting with atheists.  But if you’ve spent a lot of time chatting with atheists, and you read the interview as a conversation with an atheist being reported by an atheist, it all makes quite a lot of sense.

But let’s say that it’s all a ruse.  A very bad ruse.  Perhaps the Pope is indeed a new age-y heretic. Perhaps he’s leading us to doom one beach ball at a time.  Perhaps the next big move will be church music so insipid Chant Cafe will start extolling the virtues of the folk Mass.  And thus the cracks are starting to show.

Better to know now.

Think about it.  If your pastor were a heretic, wouldn’t you want to know now? Forewarned, you could make arrangements to move Birmingham, or wear ear plugs during the homily, or go to Mexico to get your sacraments.  Or would you rather the man kept a good face on as long as possible, to ensure your children drifted from the faith one drop of doubt at a time?

***

I certainly hope that’s not the case.  I’m sympathetic with those who’ve been poisoned by so much wishy-washy faithy-ism that their dissent-detectors are set to 1 part per billion. But regardless of whether the fellow’s a wolf or just a doubtfully-dressed* shepherd, better that the truth be out.

So I vote for talkative Pope.

*It does not bother me when the Pope dresses badly.  I come from a long line of engineering-types, some of them color-blind.  Nothing says “il Papa dressed himself” quite like dubious fashion choices.

Plague Week – Things to Read, Buy, Be Happy About, Etc.

Plague week here at the castle.  We started light with a round of coughing and sneezing, and just when we thought we were in the clear (thank you, praying friends), in entered Part 2: Stomach Virus Edition.  Miserable child now in quarantine, and teen boy being left to sleep, because this waking up business is getting overrated.

Meanwhile, things to read:

1. Up this morning at New Evangelizers, my thoughts on what to do with very bad priests, and other sinners who haunt our parishes.  You know you’ve done something right when this guy (the one at the top of the pile) e-mails you with his favorite quote from your column.  Happy day.  (I’ll leave you to pick out your own.)

2. Here, I say all kinds of things about what’s going on exciting in the Catholic Writers Guild. By “warm fuzzy feeling”, I mean both the usual understanding of the phrase, and the kind of warm fuzzy that grows in the vegetable bin if left unchecked.  You get both.  Consider running for office, it’s great.

3. More me, possibly fuzzy, and other smart people, less fuzzy:  Links here to my CWG radio gig the other day, and to the Catholic Underground, who picked up on the thoughts of this guy.  I had no idea the USCCB put out its own style guide.  I want one.  Sort of.

4. I don’t think I’ve posted here since I put up my review at AC of the Arma Dei coloring catechism-y things.  Short version: They are really cool, and loaded with content.  One packet, carefully chosen, will last your class the whole year.  In the same review, I mention the Inklings game from Cactus (scroll down on the page).  What I don’t mention: When I saw the game this summer at CMN, I was totally stoked, because it completely affirmed me in one of things I said in my book.

5. People who teach well: Christina LeBlanc.  Sure, I knew he said smart stuff and wrote a really good book, and he doesn’t expect snacks with his beer, which is to his credit, for certain.  And then I heard him talk this weekend.  Wow.  I totally want that man on the speaking circuit.  Big time.  Great presenter.

Book him now while he doesn’t cost as much.  Videos.  I want a video series.  Someone put that man in front of a camera.

6. I’m once again affirmed at home on the effectiveness of quiz games for teaching. My littles are both acquiring vocabulary and liking Latin, learned via the shiny flashcards from Classical Academic Press, which are well-suited to about about 5,000 different games.  Yes, I know, juvenile: A talking monkey is what it takes for us to get school done.  But hey, the talking monkey sells to my younger crowd.  Song School 2 DVD is finally coming out, and they have a coupon code for 20% off, which applies to either the DVD alone, or the whole shebang.  From my e-mail:

20% Pre-order Discount Code: SSL2DVD 

Valid through Oct 6th. Product ships on or before Oct 7th

BONUS – Free SSL2 Coloring Pages HERE!

7. Meanwhile, what we’re using for Latin until the Monkey arrives (and then some), is this:

Mr. Dunphy is a local, and I bought his textbook used off a friend whose son was in Mr. D’s class and loved the book.  Now it’s available to the general public here: https://www.createspace.com/3955399.  The book follows the adventures of a pair of escaped slaves; the text is in English, with gradually more and more Latin mixed in.  At the end of each chapter there’s a vocabulary list and a set of exercises.  There’s also a bit of Irish, because, you know, why not?

Another homeschooling friend says her kids love the book too.  Suitable as an intro to Latin for boys ages 4 and up, and for girls a little bit older.  Because: Swords.  Figure for the less-violent types, target age is 2nd – 8th grade, but it’s fun for grown-ups, definitely.

More like this, Latin scholars.  Please oh please.

***

8. Reason #648 I’m happy this week: Simcha Fisher agrees with me about something.  Yes, I am that cool.  Simcha Fisher looked at my blog.  I’m pretty stoked.  She’s my hero.

 

That was fast.

Whoever prayed for the SuperHusband’s ribs, THANK YOU.  It worked.  Now please apply your efforts to Hathaway’s lungs.  Thanks.

(PS: People tell me the radio thing sounded good enough.  So double-thanks on that one.)

And two things to read:

Chris T. on when and how to give to a worthy cause.

Pope Francis on just about everything.

On the radio, no one knows you’re wearing clothes.

Speaking of swimsuits . . . Just back from a quick round of field research* on the Gulf of Mexico (Happy 90th, Grandma!), on the agenda today:

1. A selection of CWG officers are chatting today on Radio Maria with Deacon Harold Burke-Sivers, 11AM EST.  You can listen online, or if 11AM finds you obliged to be all responsible, click on the podcast later.

2. I’ll try not to sound all goofy like I did in the recording of my interview with Teresa Tomeo.  I didn’t post the recording (because: goofy), but her thoughts on Catholics in the media are up at CWG.  When I grow up, I want my talking points to sound as smooth as hers do.

3. Last Saturday I wrote about sex ed resources at CatholicMom.com. For Mater et Magistra subscribers, a more comprehensive round-up of TOTB stuff for parents and their kids is out in print in the summer issue. Summary: You have no excuse.  Teach your kids (and yourself as needed) up from down, right from wrong.  You can do it.

4. Homeschool co-op is going great.  Mostly.

Prayer requests:

(a) that I wouldn’t sound more geeky than necessary today on the radio

(b) that Jon & I would discern correctly on whether to become presenters for Family Honor

(c) that I’d get my Apologetics for Kids class cleaned up and better suited to the vast range of ages of present

(d) that John Hathaway’s lung would go back where it belongs, and stay there.

Thanks.

Also (e) that the SuperHusband’s dislocated ribs would behave and heal quickly.

Double thanks!

 

*Conclusion: Dolphins look great just as they are.  Also, my family is pretty cool.

Is it possible to call something immodest? Why and how?

A few photos courtesy of wikimedia to clarify my question for Dr. Greg.  He writes, and he’s not the only person to write this, “Modesty requires that we dress in a manner that we deem appropriate . . .”

The gist of his approach, if I understand it correctly — and I think I do not — is this:

If we cultivate a non-lustful, considerate and loving personality, and furthermore make it our policy to try to dress appropriately, we’ll have this modesty thing in the bag.

(Quoting no one here.  Just summarizing my understanding of the position.  Which I assume is faulty.)

This puzzles me, because I keep running into people who are, to the best of knowledge, pure, kind, loving people, but who wear very little clothing.  And I think, “Someone needs to tell them to wear more clothes!”

And other people say, “You’re so fussy!  Stop thinking the worst about everybody!”

(Which is silly, since I don’t think the worst about them, I just wish they’d wear more clothes. Assuming I think something bad about them is thinking the worst about me.  But no matter.)

So my question: Is it possible, in a given time and place — for example, in the Catholic Church in suburban America in 2013 — to assert objective standards of modesty?  Or does everyone get an A for effort, as long as their intentions are good?

For example, if our pious, generous, and hard-working Knights of Columbus started turning out at Mass like this:

Is that okay?  Is it modest?  Who says yes or no?

If our talented and devoted baritones eschew the choir robes and rejoice in the Lord this way:

Is this okay?  Would our pastor be overstepping his bounds to gently inform the fellows they need to put a shirt on?

And what about Fr. E, anyhow? He’s a hip guy.  Tight pants, or skipping the pants altogether and just going with leggings, are the norm anymore.  Of course he’d do it in clerical black, and change out the sequins for a clerical collar, but could he wear this:

. . . and be called “modest”?

No copping out.  Don’t hide behind, “It’s tacky” or “it’s unfashionable” or “it doesn’t blend in” or “wrong sport”.  No assuming the worst about people — we’ll assume the gentlemen are genuinely trying to be modest.  Assume also, for the sake of the question, that around our little corner of suburbia, many guys dress this way as they go about their daily business.

Are these acceptably modest street clothes for work / church / ordinary social events?  Yes or no?  Why or why not?

Modesty with Dr. P, part 2

Dr. Greg responds to my comments here, and they are worth a good long look.

Meanwhile, deep in his post he writes this:

So, am I saying that a woman, or man for that matter, should dress any damn way they want without regard for anyone around them?  Should we all parade around naked defying the world to look upon us with purity of mind and heart?  Of course not.  We are all fallen.  Even though we can’t cause feelings in another person, we know that acting in a certain manner tends to create a certain set of emotional choices for most people, given what is expected in a particular context. Modesty requires that we dress in a manner that we deem appropriate for the context we are in and in a way that is not intended to make it unduly difficult for any reasonable person to see anything other than our physical appearance.

And this is what I want to hear more about.